| November |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|11:12 pm] |
I just did a search on my itunes for "November" to help me write a piece about a specific moment in time in November, and I got one Avett Brother's song (November Blue, good option), one from The National, and then like three Early November cd's that I forgot were on my computer. Oh hey, ninth grade.
....Oh dear.
Any suggestions for good songs to listen to while I'm writing about sitting in a bunch of tall dead grass in November watching the sun go down in some open space? |
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| BROTHER |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|09:40 am] |
Just talked to my brother for a long time on the phone and then felt really silly because I am going to see him in FOUR DAYS!!J!kjahdkasjdh!!!!!!
If I had to name one single person in the world that I love more than anyone else ever, it would be my brother.
If I had to name the person that I miss the most on a regular basis, since moving to Colorado, it would be my brother. I suppose it makes sense. Before I moved/when I'm home we are together 95% of the time it feels like. YEEE enough sappy crap going to see him Tuesday night/more likely Wednesday morning because it is a 14 hour drive to Chichichichicaagoo. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Neko Case | ] |
Teva's latest trick:
( a few more )
In other news,
Early bird thanksgiving potlucks are THE BEST.
Snugglefest: all of my roommates and the dog on one couch to watch a movie.
Met Matt's dad tonight. Imagine having a casual dinner with that one professor that really intimidates you. Except he is a Harvard professor and his judgment of you is pretty important in regards to your romantic relationship. He was a lot nicer than I expected to be, especially considering how hard he is on Matt...he brought me an anthology of ecocritical articles, which was sweet. It was definitely one of the most thought provoking dinners I've had in a while. It's kind of fun to have to think on my feet to come up with intelligent answers to all of his (really complicated) questions about my studies. |
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| pep talks |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|10:04 pm] |
Matt: It's ok, Jess. Teva loves you. And I'm with her on this one.
Me: I think that's one of the cutest things you've ever said to me.
Matt: Don't be gay about this, Jess.
Matt and Teva right now (he never lets her on the bed). |
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| one last |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|07:37 am] |
Sleepless night for this.
And I feel good, minus the no sleep. I came out on the other end clean (finallyFINALLY!).
So today is going to suck probably. Especially since the reason that I finally got out of bed a little before 7:00 after sleeping maybe from 3:30 to 5ish is because Teva was throwing up on her dog bed. Mmmm lovely. At least I can throw that in the washing machine, as opposed to the couch or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|11:30 pm] |
Teva and I on a snow hike today in Indian Peaks. I think this is going to be the super snowy winter... I DIG IT. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|01:51 pm] |
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I woke up this morning with 'unity of movement' in a picture strong in my mind. For long I have been trying to get the movement of the parts. Now I see there is only one movement. It sways and ripples. It may be slow or fast but it is only one movement sweeping out into space but always keeping going- rocks, sky, one continuous movement. -Emily Carr |
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| hahahaaha |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|11:47 am] |
Watching ducks go over a small waterfall/rapids in the Boulder Public Library study room that spans across the creek.
I love ducks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
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Sometimes craving a reminder of PURPOSE. |
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| whoa. |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|01:33 pm] |
Crazy past couple of days. Last night I slept so hard, I woke up feeling amazing and totally refreshed in a lot of ways this morning.
On school: exams are coming up and I have all of my final paper topics lined up, let the research and portfolio writing begin. I am over my head in the intersection of ecology and literature and loving that, and in an amazing writing class and loving that.
On life and living: How do you come to terms with the death of someone who is twenty three and brilliant with an entire life ahead of him, a life that was ended in a senseless and probably random act of violence? Life is here do it do it do it.
On love: Matt losing his best friend and withdrawing from pretty much everyone in the world except for me was simultaneously hard and important for our relationship. For a while I thought that the senseless rush of true love was going to be solely reserved for my first love, but as my heart has expanded to hold everything that I have needed to through this experience I am learning that it is possible to feel that good and whole again. I am never going to love someone in the same way that I loved Ben Thomas but that is ok, different is ok. I know that Ben still loves me, though that love is changing in a different way and it feels amazing to be so sure that we are going to be meaningful in one another's lives. Anyways, right now I am feeling so full: last night when Matt came home to the big dinner Dana helped me cook for him, after hanging out with his old teammates after the funeral everything seemed to fall into place for me.
My emotional responses to the funeral itself are reserved for a more private journal, but one thing that happened that felt really good was Matt coming back to where I was sitting with the frisbee crowd to acknowledge me in front of maybe 30 people who have always known him as in a permanent relationship with another girl. He wanted me to come sit with him up with Andrew's family, which was admittedly a little uncomfortable but as Katie so accurately points out, the point of a funeral is to support the family, or those most effected by the loss. Anyways, at that moment it felt like the giant turmoil of everything that has happened over the past seven months is at rest: we can be happy to be just where we are now.
Haha, speaking of which a guy on the ultimate team that stopped talking to me for a couple of months because of the whole drama just came up to me in the library. Oh life goes on and on huh?
I am looking forward to going to the mountains this weekend!!!! But what else is new there?
On a hike we did last weekend. I think this weekend I am finally going to get my hands on some snowshoes and we are going to do a thirteener near the cabin! I'm excited to try my first good winter summit. |
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| familiar like |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|10:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gregory alan isakov "black hills" | ] |
You can tell when you say the word "love" whether you mean it, really feel it all the way love with everything you have mean it. Like when you say it and you're not sure and it sounds reeeally awkward and just flat, like your mouth can't really get around the words all the way and they just come out at 75% or maybe even less all things considered. You feel kind of dumb afterwards.
But when it is real your tongue hits the back of your teeth and the rest of the word falls long and round and warm sounding around it. It's familiar and second nature. You can say it in a whisper against my ear mostly just breathing or in passing as you hop out of the car but it never sounds dumb or awkward or any of the things it could be. Just warm and something to believe in. |
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| putting off homework |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|10:14 pm] |
And instead looking through a bunch of old pictures on my computer, such as this gem:
My dad (second from the right), his younger brother and older sister, best friend and random hippie guy!
Sometimes a lot of times I wish I was young and alive in 60's-70's.
( a few others ) |
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| He said he would love me like a revolution, like a religion. |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|09:24 pm] |
Driving home tonight 24-South I think is the road, maybe North I should know by now but never pay attention, the moon is full and huge and hanging in a sky that is half pink half purple in the dip between two big peaks, freshly covered with snow hanging off the edges, the snow is glowing maybe from the moon maybe from the last light of the sunset and I am in loveinloveinLOVE with a life.
As if a cell phone camera could capture what it looked like, but not really. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|12:43 pm] |
p.s I MISS MY BROTHER SO FREAKING MUCH. Gr. Chicago seemed closer, but it's not really. Hopefully I will be driving there over Thanksgiving. Actually, I don't really see any reason why I can't drive there over Thanksgiving.
Two people in Chicago. |
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| Hello Dearest Love, |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|12:37 pm] |
butiwishthatpersonwasntgone awaydrinkingbrocasualsexaksjdhaksjdhaskjdhandhavingnothingtodowithbeautyandnatureandeverythingthatwealwayscaredaboutloved.
I WISH TEVA WOULD STOP CHEWING ON MY PANTSSHOELACESCHAIRLEG. She is swinging her mouth around wide open, catching eveything it comes into contact with.
LEaving for the mountains in a matter of hours, or less THANK GOD. Have to go to REI first to buy a pair of snowshoes yeeee!!! |
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| snow culture. |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|11:25 am] |
I love Boulder buried in almost two and a half feet of snow. I love Boulder and how everyone says "fuck it, it's snowing...party time." And well, it's still snowing. Not supposed to stop until tonight, I think.
Last night we all started to get big at Southern Sun Brewery, which is really the only place to go when it is snowing like crazy in my opinion. We then hiked over to Tantra Hill....a long, STEEP hill in a park in South Boulder. During the day it's where all the middle school boys go when school is cancelled, but at night it turns into a giant snow party. Last night we got there around 10:00 and there were maybe 150 people there, all getting drunk, building jumps (note, there is NO WAY to land a five foot ramp in a plastic sled), running into each other, and sliding down the hill at breakneck speeds on everything from legitimate sleds to trays from CU's dining hall, a pie tin (as someone in my group was using), one shopping cart, frisbees and a large piece of plywood that someone attached skis to the bottom. Dogs would stand around the middle of the slope, and chance one person that went flying by until another wizzed by, and they would switch directions. On guy was shooting off bottlerockets down the slope.
I woke up this morning bruised and aching. It could have been way worse, but somehow during our biggest accident, Kibbles (on of the guys on the frisbee team) managed to someone throw himself over me mid-air, instead of landing completely on top. I think it was that same pileup that another one of the guys landed in push-up position above Dana to keep from crushing her.
Time to take the dog out to play in the snow before class (yes, campus is still open. bleh).
Teva in Ben's front yard early yesterday afternoon when there was only about 8 inches on the ground...by this time the snow is as deep as she is tall. |
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| Found |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|12:11 pm] |
the biggest tree I have ever seen in my life, since the oak behind my grandmother's farmhouse was struck by lightening and cut down.
On Boulder Creek, I don't know what kind of tree it is, but I tried to measure it with my arm span, and four of my arms spread all the way out got only about halfway around the trunk.
My new years resolution was to see redwoods, but if I alter that to just any giant tree, than done. 2009 can end completely fullfilled. |
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