| states of mind. |
[Dec. 16th, 2009|03:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | avett brothers | ] |
Close the laundry door,
Tiptoe across the floor
Keep your clothes on,
I got all that I can take
Teach me how to use
The love that people say you made
Stop your parents' car
I just saw a shooting star
We can wish upon it
But we wont share the wish we made
But I cant keep no secrets,
I wish that you would always stay
Last night I dreamt the whole night long
I woke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day
I wrote 'em down, but its a shame
Tonight I'll burn the lyrics,
'Cause every chorus was your name
Break this tired old routine
And this time don't make me leave
I am a breathing time machine,
I'll take you for a ride |
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| really want |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|10:06 pm] |
The cd of the band playing at the Laughing Goat tonight. One, because it's good. Two, because they remind me waaayyy to much of my brother, Jamie and birddog on stage together.
Good thing I'm going home two weeks from today. Right now I am feeling really really nostalgic for summer 2007 and really any time spent together in the studio, at the werehouse listening to my best friends make music, girl talk dance parties in sketchy streets listening to avett brothers on the way home 4am and eevveryone is singing and BEAUTIFUL! |
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| taking a short break from final papers |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|09:05 pm] |
To eat homemade carne asada burrito dinner!! So nice to get picked up from the library: I made dinner for you (that smells AMAZING), it will be ready in five minutes. mmmm feeling spoiled.
I love snowy days/snowy nights. It has been coming down lightly, but nonstop since sometime last night. Beautiful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2009|01:00 am] |
Just watched Marley and Me and criedcriedcried, hugged my puppy and cried some more. I NEVER respond to movies like that. Of course, I now understand why people always told me "you're puppy looks just like the puppy in Marley and Me" because minus the polar bear fur, it's true. Same puppy face. That is now asleep in bed where Matt typically doesn't allow her but I think is making an exception after that movie.
Other good news: A friend in my nature writing class gave me the home phone number of the founder of this amazing environmental engineering firm that I think is going to hook us up with the Nepal project. Feels SO GOOD to be accomplishing something on this project that is going to make a real time difference in the world.
Other other good news: I'm going to Harvard.
hahaha BUT SERIOUSLY. Kind of. But maybe very seriously. My thesis advisor is going to put me in contact with Prof. Buell at Harvard,not only one the ecocritics that I have read the hell out of this semester but also her graduate advisor while she was at Harvard who is establishing one of the first lit doctorate programs in the country in ecocriticism. asdhaksdjh yeeee!!! Now I just have to learn two languages to be one of the 11% of applicants that get accepted. Here we go. |
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| November |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|11:12 pm] |
I just did a search on my itunes for "November" to help me write a piece about a specific moment in time in November, and I got one Avett Brother's song (November Blue, good option), one from The National, and then like three Early November cd's that I forgot were on my computer. Oh hey, ninth grade.
....Oh dear.
Any suggestions for good songs to listen to while I'm writing about sitting in a bunch of tall dead grass in November watching the sun go down in some open space? |
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| BROTHER |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|09:40 am] |
Just talked to my brother for a long time on the phone and then felt really silly because I am going to see him in FOUR DAYS!!J!kjahdkasjdh!!!!!!
If I had to name one single person in the world that I love more than anyone else ever, it would be my brother.
If I had to name the person that I miss the most on a regular basis, since moving to Colorado, it would be my brother. I suppose it makes sense. Before I moved/when I'm home we are together 95% of the time it feels like. YEEE enough sappy crap going to see him Tuesday night/more likely Wednesday morning because it is a 14 hour drive to Chichichichicaagoo. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2009|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Neko Case | ] |
Teva's latest trick:
( a few more )
In other news,
Early bird thanksgiving potlucks are THE BEST.
Snugglefest: all of my roommates and the dog on one couch to watch a movie.
Met Matt's dad tonight. Imagine having a casual dinner with that one professor that really intimidates you. Except he is a Harvard professor and his judgment of you is pretty important in regards to your romantic relationship. He was a lot nicer than I expected to be, especially considering how hard he is on Matt...he brought me an anthology of ecocritical articles, which was sweet. It was definitely one of the most thought provoking dinners I've had in a while. It's kind of fun to have to think on my feet to come up with intelligent answers to all of his (really complicated) questions about my studies. |
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| pep talks |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|10:04 pm] |
Matt: It's ok, Jess. Teva loves you. And I'm with her on this one.
Me: I think that's one of the cutest things you've ever said to me.
Matt: Don't be gay about this, Jess.
Matt and Teva right now (he never lets her on the bed). |
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| one last |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|07:37 am] |
Sleepless night for this.
And I feel good, minus the no sleep. I came out on the other end clean (finallyFINALLY!).
So today is going to suck probably. Especially since the reason that I finally got out of bed a little before 7:00 after sleeping maybe from 3:30 to 5ish is because Teva was throwing up on her dog bed. Mmmm lovely. At least I can throw that in the washing machine, as opposed to the couch or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|11:30 pm] |
Teva and I on a snow hike today in Indian Peaks. I think this is going to be the super snowy winter... I DIG IT. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|01:51 pm] |
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I woke up this morning with 'unity of movement' in a picture strong in my mind. For long I have been trying to get the movement of the parts. Now I see there is only one movement. It sways and ripples. It may be slow or fast but it is only one movement sweeping out into space but always keeping going- rocks, sky, one continuous movement. -Emily Carr |
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| hahahaaha |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|11:47 am] |
Watching ducks go over a small waterfall/rapids in the Boulder Public Library study room that spans across the creek.
I love ducks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|11:07 pm] |
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Sometimes craving a reminder of PURPOSE. |
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| whoa. |
[Nov. 11th, 2009|01:33 pm] |
Crazy past couple of days. Last night I slept so hard, I woke up feeling amazing and totally refreshed in a lot of ways this morning.
On school: exams are coming up and I have all of my final paper topics lined up, let the research and portfolio writing begin. I am over my head in the intersection of ecology and literature and loving that, and in an amazing writing class and loving that.
On life and living: How do you come to terms with the death of someone who is twenty three and brilliant with an entire life ahead of him, a life that was ended in a senseless and probably random act of violence? Life is here do it do it do it.
On love: Matt losing his best friend and withdrawing from pretty much everyone in the world except for me was simultaneously hard and important for our relationship. For a while I thought that the senseless rush of true love was going to be solely reserved for my first love, but as my heart has expanded to hold everything that I have needed to through this experience I am learning that it is possible to feel that good and whole again. I am never going to love someone in the same way that I loved Ben Thomas but that is ok, different is ok. I know that Ben still loves me, though that love is changing in a different way and it feels amazing to be so sure that we are going to be meaningful in one another's lives. Anyways, right now I am feeling so full: last night when Matt came home to the big dinner Dana helped me cook for him, after hanging out with his old teammates after the funeral everything seemed to fall into place for me.
My emotional responses to the funeral itself are reserved for a more private journal, but one thing that happened that felt really good was Matt coming back to where I was sitting with the frisbee crowd to acknowledge me in front of maybe 30 people who have always known him as in a permanent relationship with another girl. He wanted me to come sit with him up with Andrew's family, which was admittedly a little uncomfortable but as Katie so accurately points out, the point of a funeral is to support the family, or those most effected by the loss. Anyways, at that moment it felt like the giant turmoil of everything that has happened over the past seven months is at rest: we can be happy to be just where we are now.
Haha, speaking of which a guy on the ultimate team that stopped talking to me for a couple of months because of the whole drama just came up to me in the library. Oh life goes on and on huh?
I am looking forward to going to the mountains this weekend!!!! But what else is new there?
On a hike we did last weekend. I think this weekend I am finally going to get my hands on some snowshoes and we are going to do a thirteener near the cabin! I'm excited to try my first good winter summit. |
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| familiar like |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|10:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gregory alan isakov "black hills" | ] |
You can tell when you say the word "love" whether you mean it, really feel it all the way love with everything you have mean it. Like when you say it and you're not sure and it sounds reeeally awkward and just flat, like your mouth can't really get around the words all the way and they just come out at 75% or maybe even less all things considered. You feel kind of dumb afterwards.
But when it is real your tongue hits the back of your teeth and the rest of the word falls long and round and warm sounding around it. It's familiar and second nature. You can say it in a whisper against my ear mostly just breathing or in passing as you hop out of the car but it never sounds dumb or awkward or any of the things it could be. Just warm and something to believe in. |
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| putting off homework |
[Nov. 1st, 2009|10:14 pm] |
And instead looking through a bunch of old pictures on my computer, such as this gem:
My dad (second from the right), his younger brother and older sister, best friend and random hippie guy!
Sometimes a lot of times I wish I was young and alive in 60's-70's.
( a few others ) |
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